Pinky and the (Not Much of a) Brain

At first I did not want to do a post about this.

I didn’t want to write about one more example — this one as bizarre as they come — of the deplorable state of our political discourse. This story is about an argument that turned violent, costing a 65 year-old anti-health reform man his pinky finger. It was allegedly bitten off by a pro-reform individual outside a health care forum.

I changed my mind after reading this little nugget on TPM. It’s about an interview granted by the victim to FOX’s Neil Cavuto:

Rice also said he won’t sue, he’ll turn and run if he sees the biter again, and that he thinks there’s “something much more devious than health care” at play in our national debate. “I think health care is how we are being diverted while the government grabs what’s left of our freedom away from us.”

To be fair, Rice added a few minutes later that “I’m medicated right now.”

Emphasis mine. First, the focus on health care is just a diversionary tactic to take away our freedoms. Get it? It’s another conspiracy uncovered by a right-winger. I’ve lost count of the amount of theories by now. Second, the anti-reform guy whose finger was beaten-off by a pro-reformer is on drugs! And he admits it to Neil Cavuto, on the air!

There are some real gems in this interview, like:

Neil: “Bill, you gave an appendage!”

(Listen to the giggles in the background from FOX’s staff. Sound like they’re using Mr. Rice to further their own agenda).

They don’t even let you share at an AA meeting if you’ve had a drink or a mood altering drug. You’re asked to pass and not speak so that you avoid embarrassing yourself. But not at Fox. You can be on drugs at Fox and still be hailed as the new champion of a right-wing cause. Remember a plumber named Joe?

How can it get any worse for the newly-minted hero? He doesn’t even know that his fingers was re-attached at the hospital.

Here’s where things get a little weird. The AP, citing a hospital spokesperson, reported earlier that Rice’s finger was reattached — courtesy of Medicare. But Rice now says that he was told that because of “the bacteria involved in a human bite, the chances of it surviving a reattachment were almost zero.” Goodbye, pinky.

Emphasis mine again, this time for irony. Thank God that TPM had their finger on the pulse of the story:

We’ve talked to the hospital, and resolved the apparent confusion over whether Rice’s pinky was reattached or not. It was. Phew.

After deciding to write about it, I couldn’t put my finger on a good title for the post. I searched around and found this, from Wikipedia:

Pinky and Brain are genetically enhanced laboratory mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility. In each episode, Brain devises a new plan for the two mice (led by Brain) to take over the world, which ultimately ends in failure. In common with many other Animaniacs shorts, many episodes are in some way a parody of something else, usually a film or novel. The cartoon’s tagline is:

Pinky: “Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?”

The Brain: “The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world!”

Perfect. I’ve got my title. There’s a brainy mouse (an elitist) that cohabitates (gay relationship) with a pink (commie!) mouse. They’re plotting to take over the world. Obviously New World Order/Obama agents. Another tool to indoctrinate children. A new conspiracy theory that, I’m sure, will be picked up by FOX before the weekend.

These two conspiracy theories are not related, however. Except through my title.

Calling Neil…

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