Recruiting for the Health Insurance Industry

Here’s a fool-proof business model in case you’re thinking of going into business. It has minimal risks and no (as in zero) competition plus lax oversight and look-the-other-way type regulations.

I’m talking about health insurance. It’s been such a good racket opportunity for such a long time that I do not understand why even more people aren’t choosing this fine line of business.

What other business do you know that offers these wonderful built-in safeguards?

— No need to insure the elderly. The government will take care of that high-risk sector of the population.

— Other high-risk groups, like those with pre-existing conditions, do not have to be taken on. Let the government take care of those problem-riddled customers, or hospital emergency rooms, or charity organizations or whatever…

— We only insure those that do not need insurance: the healthy! And if any of those folks stops being healthy, then we’ll just cut them loose or make it so difficult for them to get a dime out of us that they will wish they were dead (or they’ll stop fighting us and will then go to the above-mentioned government, hospital emergency room or charity provider). In any event, not a loss to us!

And how do we get away ensure that no one messes with our business model? Easy. We out-spend everyone, use the best lobbyists out there — preferably those that used to work for the government and know all of the ins and outs and the loopholes — and we buy legislators on both sides of the isle. It does appear that when it comes to accepting money from the insurance mafia lobby, there’s only one isle: the Isle of Greed Need in the Sea of Re-election.

There’s only one thing that could affect (even kill, God forbid!) our wonderful industry: This health insurance reform that everyone is talking about.

We’ve gone into high-alert/code-red to drag it out and then kill it. Just like in ’93. We have a lot of money invested and our crazy supporters — we use the word crazy in a loving way — are joining the good fight. Watch Fox News for details.

It’s important to keep muddying the water. Keep shouting at those town hall meetings. We’ll keep the money flowing to those responsible for making decisions in Washington. Our esteemed associates — Rush, Sarah, Dobbs, Beck — will continue the fear-mongering and race-baiting that has been so effective before.

If we succeed at killing this threat to our hegemony and bottom line, we can look forward to our beloved status-quo for at least another generation. Ah, what a nice feeling. Wealthy. Powerful. Invincible.

What a country!

(Do not forward or link to this Editorial about the Massachusetts Model. It might give some people ideas. And ideas can be dangerous things).

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4 thoughts on “Recruiting for the Health Insurance Industry

  1. Travis August 9, 2009 / 2:33 pm

    Sounds like the American Dream… how do I sign up?

  2. jmadlc55 August 9, 2009 / 2:44 pm

    There’s a long line, you know. Lots of possible new recruits are waiting to see what happens with this proposed reform. We’ll put you on the waiting list.

  3. Kurt August 9, 2009 / 2:48 pm

    Most people don’t remember that it was Nixon who gave us HMO’s, and Reagan who wanted to kill Medicare.I know politics is an equal-opportunity sleaze-fest, but on this issue, republicans are the ones with their hands in the cookie-jar.

  4. jmadlc55 August 9, 2009 / 2:56 pm

    Another thing to add to my “Shitty Things I Know About Nixon.” Thank you, Kurt.

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